


Sleepovers Aren't Just for Kids

by SomeWaywardDaughter



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Asexual Alec Lightwood, Cuddling, Domestic Fluff, M/M, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 18:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8411707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeWaywardDaughter/pseuds/SomeWaywardDaughter
Summary: The first time Alec sleeps over at Magnus' loft, featuring kisses, cuddling, and Alec getting comfortable with himself. (Happy Asexual Awareness Week everyone!)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So I'm actually asexual myself, and I wanted to celebrate Ace Awareness Week by writing about ace Alec, which is possibly my favorite headcanon. Hope you enjoy!

Coming to Magnus’ loft was always a relief. After a long day of dealing with everyone’s shit at the Institute, Alec was always happy to come see his boyfriend and hopefully do nothing but cuddle on the couch. On weekends, he could be convinced to go out and he knew Magnus appreciated when he came. But Maryse had been more horrible than usual on this Friday, probably because Alec had made the mistake of talking to Isabelle about his dinner plans while they were going over some of the monitors, and Alec basically just wanted to melt into Magnus’ arms.

 

He pressed the buzzer at the building’s front door to call Magnus. The door unlocked with a soft _click_ just seconds later, making Alec smile shyly as he came inside. He took the stairs two at a time, suddenly thrumming with anticipation. Magnus’ door was open a crack when he reached it and he nudged it fully open with this shoulder, one hand instinctively going to the handle of the seraph blade tucked inside his jacket.

 

“Magnus?” he called, pushing the door shut behind him.

 

“Kitchen!” Magnus called back and Alec relaxed again. He toed off his boots and hung his jacket on the coat stand before heading into the kitchen, forcing himself to move at a normal walking pace instead of half-sprinting into Magnus arms.

 

When he finally reached the kitchen, he found Magnus leaning on the counter, various takeout menus spread out in front of him. He looked up at the sound of Alec’s footsteps and gave him a wide smile, coming out to greet him. Alec moved closer almost unthinkingly, letting Magnus slide his arms up around his neck and drag him down for a kiss.

 

“Hello Alexander,” he said softly when they’d pulled back just enough that their lips weren’t touching. Alec didn’t reply, just leaned down for more kisses. Magnus giggled into his mouth but obliged him, and Alec could feel all of the tension running out of his body.

 

They’d only been on three dates since the almost-wedding. Jace was still missing, and Alec always felt a little guilty slipping away from the search to come here but Isabelle and Magnus had beaten into him the reminder that he was already doing everything he could, Magnus with words and Isabelle with a staff during training. It never ceased to blow Alec’s mind that Magnus wanted this as much as he did, that he was _delighted_ when he could get a few hours off from the Institute to come eat semi-shitty takeout and watch a movie.

 

Magnus pulled away properly, ignoring Alec’s disappointed grumble. He stayed in the circle of Alec’s arms though, so he couldn’t complain too much. For a minute, they just looked at each other, taking in each little detail. Alec’s eyes skipped over the upward swoosh of Magnus’ hair, which was tipped blonde today, and down to his eye makeup, which appeared to be in tones of green with shimmering gold eyeliner. Alec shuddered a little when he thought about how it would look when Magnus dropped his glamour. Magnus smirked up at him, drawing Alec’s eyes to his lips (pale, neutral brown today) as he spoke.

 

“How long do I have you tonight?” he asked, a little wistfully, as he began to pet at the short hairs at the nape of Alec’s neck. Alec sighed happily, eyes drifting closed.

 

“As long as you want,” he replied. “Isabelle and Clary divided up the duties for tonight and cut me out of the schedule entirely. They claim it was an accident but I don’t believe them.”

 

Magnus laughed, tucking his face against Alec’s chest. Alec smiled a little too, nuzzling into Magnus’ hair and probably ruining its fluff. Magnus didn’t seem to mind, squeezing Alec tightly around the shoulders.

 

“Well, remind me to send them a fruit basket or something,” Magnus said when they finally broke their hug. Alec’s smile widened as they moved back towards the takeout menus.

 

“I think they might appreciate chocolate and alcohol more,” he replied, which had Magnus laughing brilliantly. It made Alec laugh too as he looked over Magnus’ shoulder at the menus.

 

“Thai?” Magnus suggested. Alec agreed, happy to try anything, and Magnus shooed him to the couch while he called in the order. Alec sat on one couch cushion, a little stiff and trying not to take up too much space. He might be getting rapidly more comfortable with Magnus’ body, but that didn’t mean he was about to start sprawling all over the loft like he lived there.

 

He heard Magnus’ soft laugh and turned to see him coming into the room with two glasses of wine. He placed the wine carefully on the table and turned to Alec, resting a hand on his knee and raising his eyebrows questioningly. Alec felt his breath catch the way it always did when Magnus checked that things were okay; he wasn’t used to having someone openly care about his comfort, especially in this context. He didn’t know how to handle any kind of date, and especially not the kind that involved Magnus Bane picking up his legs and putting them on the couch while rolling his eyes and muttering about ‘stupid Nephilim courtesy’.

 

Magnus settled himself on the other side of the couch, resting his legs next to Alec’s, and Alec couldn’t resist shifting down until he could prop his feet in Magnus’ lap. Magnus raised an eyebrow at him, apparently unimpressed, and Alec just gave him a wide grin. Magnus rolled his eyes but seemed unable to prevent himself from using his free hand to begin lightly massaging one of Alec’s feet. Alec sighed happily and melted against the cushions, just barely remembering to take an occasional sip of wine.

 

“How was the day?” Magnus asked after a few moments of silence.

 

Alec blinked his eyes open from where they’d slid to half mast and sat up a little to keep himself more alert. By now he knew that Magnus genuinely wanted to hear about anything, and probably everything, that had happened during the day. So Alec told him, stuttering and stumbling sometimes, but generally getting everything right. Magnus responded in kind, and they fell into an easy conversation that broke only briefly when the food arrived. They ate on the couch, continuing their conversation between bites of pad Thai.

 

This casual intimacy wasn’t something Alec had been expecting when he and Magnus had started dating. He’d assumed most of their dates would be Magnus taking him out to some fancy restaurant or high-end nightclub, but he was quickly proven wrong. He had been surprised at how easy it was to just relax with Magnus, and perhaps even more surprised that Magnus liked these couch dinner dates as much as he did. By the time Magnus was using his magic to box up the leftovers, against Alec’s protests that he could do it by hand, they’d long-since exhausted their current events topics, as well as over half of the bottle of wine. Magnus did get up to bring the food to the fridge, and to take the wine glass from Alec’s hand.

 

“I think you’ve had plenty tonight,” he teased lightly and Alec could feel himself blush. He knew he got flushed and a little giggly when he was drinking, and apparently Magnus had figured it out as well. He gratefully accepted the glass of water Magnus brought back for him, gulping it down in a few large sips. Magnus, still standing, took the glass and banished it, presumably to the kitchen before unceremoniously swinging himself into Alec’s lap.

 

“Hi,” Alec laughed, hands going to Magnus’ hips to steady him. Magnus grinned at him.

 

“Is this okay?” he checked, sliding his hands up to play with the hair at the nape of Alec’s neck. Alec sighed happily and tilted his head back into the touch.

 

“Yeah, you’re good,” he reassured Magnus.

 

His eyes had drifted shut so he felt, rather than saw, Magnus shift closer so their noses bumped together. Alec closed the distance between them, slotting their mouths together. It was comfortable, a lazy sort of pleasure with no pressure to go any further. Alec liked this the most, when he and Magnus were close and just trading soft kisses and occasional brushes of their tongues. His mouth fell open as one of Magnus’ hands slid up into his hair to grip it properly, making Alec groan a little. He could feel Magnus smirking a little and retaliated by nipping at his lip.

 

Apparently he was a little too aggressive, however, because Magnus immediately jerked away and brought a hand up to his mouth. When his fingers came away, they were spattered with flecks of blood. For a minute they just stared at each other in surprise. Then Magnus let out a startled, loud laugh while Alec began to trip over himself trying to apologize. Magnus waved his hand over his lip to heal the cut, still laughing. Alec was still stuttering, hands twitching nervously as he tried to get out a proper apology. Even after spending so much time with him, Magnus could still make him nervous.

 

Magnus gently took his twitching hands in his own and held them steady. His smile had turned soft and genuine and Alec felt himself relax a little at the sight of it. Magnus put his hands back on his own hips and brought his hands up to cup Alec’s cheeks.

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for my dear,” he told him affectionately. “It happens, and it was quite funny in this case.”

 

Alec just nodded sheepishly and Magnus dragged him forward to kiss his forehead. Then he slid off of Alec’s lap, ignoring his protests, to flop down on the couch. Alec followed him immediately, tucking himself between Magnus’ side and the couch cushions.

 

“Movie?” Magnus suggested, linking their fingers on top of his stomach. “You seemed to like _Star Wars_ last time.”

 

“Sounds good to me,” Alec replied immediately, trying to hide his excitement. He didn’t want to admit to Simon that he’d been right when he said Alec would like the stupid movies, but he had totally been right. Magnus definitely knew, but Alec trusted him not to tell if he didn’t want him to.

 

Apparently too comfortable for actual moving, Magnus flicked his hand lazily until the next _Star Wars_ film was glowing from the TV screen. As the movie progressed, Alec could feel Magnus’ hands beginning to restlessly trail over his ribs, down towards his abs, and back up over his hipbone. Magnus liked to move; generally, he was either moving at full speed or completely dead to the world. He would curl up on the couch for a while, but inevitably get restless. Alec knew that he was only sitting through these movies because they were classics, they featured some very attractive people, and it was something Alec liked to do. There weren’t exactly a ton of pastime opportunities at the Institute, so Magnus got unreasonably excited whenever he discovered something Alec liked to do just for the sake of doing it. As of two weeks ago, _Star Wars_ was on that list.

 

Alec didn’t mind Magnus’ wandering hands so long as they didn’t distract him from the movie. When his fingertips started to poke under the waistband of his jeans, Alec muttered “Nope,” and pulled Magnus’ hand back up towards his ribs. Magnus snorted out a laugh underneath him but didn’t try it again. When the movie finally ended, however, Magnus’ hands were right back on his hips, making Alec laugh as he was pulled on top of Magnus.

 

“Can I help you?” he teased lightly, propping his elbows up on either side of Magnus’ head. Magnus hummed, dragging a fingertip down Alec’s throat.

 

“Depends,” Magnus said and Alec raised his eyebrows to encourage him to continue. “Are you going to be distracted thinking about Ewan McGregor?”

 

Alec blushed violently, making Magnus laugh. He stuck his tongue out at Magnus and slid off of him, moving to the other side of the couch and huddling down in the corner.

 

“He’s pretty,” Alec mumbled, making Magnus laugh again as he sat up.

 

“I can’t disagree with you, though I don’t think he’s my type,” Magnus replied, crawling down the length of the couch to press up against Alec again, trying to get him to uncurl himself and cuddle.

 

“Oh, you’ve got a type?” Alec replied, trying to hide his smirk. Magnus nodded seriously.

 

“Yes, absolutely. You see I’m very partial to tall, pretty boys with dark hair who are occasionally big jerks but in the end always let me cuddle with them,” Magnus listed off.

 

Alec couldn’t help laughing even as he relented. He unfurled his legs and rested his feet on the coffee table, letting Magnus sidle up against him. Magnus made a happy sound as Alec’s arm settled around his shoulders. He linked their fingers together again and Alec began absently toying with his rings.

 

“It’s getting late,” Magnus said casually after a few moments of silence. Alec felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest; he didn’t want to leave, but if Magnus wanted him out then he would be gone.

 

“Yeah, it is,” he agreed, squeezing Magnus’ hand lightly. “Do you want me to go?”

 

“Only if you want to go,” Magnus replied. “I just thought you might have something in the morning so you’d need sleep.”

 

“No, nothing too early,” Alec replied with a shake of his head. “I can stay longer.”

 

They were quiet for a moment. Magnus began to toy with Alec’s fingers in return. He seemed almost nervous to Alec, so he waited to see if he had something to say.

 

“You could always stay the night,” Magnus finally offered, looking up at Alec.

 

Alec blinked, surprised. Objectively, he knew that this was something that happened in relationships. Izzy had slipped into the Institute just before dawn enough times that Alec was very, _very_ aware that this was a thing that happened. But up to this point, it had never occurred to him that Magnus might want him to stay over. Actually, now that he was thinking about it, it had never occurred to him that they might be doing anything that would merit him staying over. They’d been dating for over a month and sex had never crossed Alec’s mind.

 

But now that Magnus was inviting him to stay, to curl up in bed with him, Alec couldn’t _not_ think about it. They’d gotten a little heavy-handed while making out before, especially on their last date, but Magnus’ hands had never wandered lower than sliding his jeans down just enough to be able to grip his bare hipbones and it had never occurred to Alec to try anything with his own hands. And even now that it was occurring to him, it didn’t really sound that appealing. In fact, he was almost certain he’d much rather go back to the lazy kissing they’d been enjoying after dinner than move into something sexual.

 

“Alexander? You don’t have to stay if you’re not comfortable.”

 

Magnus’ voice jolted Alec out of his thoughts. He felt a stab of guilt; apparently he’d been silent for too long and had just sat there like an idiot while Magnus waited for an answer.

 

“No, I want to,” he hastily reassured Magnus. “I just, um, I don’t think I would want to… you know, do anything?”

 

Magnus had shifted away enough while he was talking that he could look him in the eye. His eyebrows were raised and Alec could feel his face heating up as he watched Magnus try and riddle out what he’d just said. He was a second away from starting to apologize when understanding flashed through Magnus’ eyes and he reached for Alec’s hand.

 

“Darling, an invitation to stay the night is not an invitation to sleep with me. I promise,” he said.

 

Alec felt his face burning even hotter, even as relief flooded his chest. He ducked his head and brought his free hand up to rub at the back of his neck. Of course Magnus hadn’t meant that he was expecting sex, that would be ridiculous and completely unlike him. He felt Magnus’ fingers lightly pressing under his chin and willingly tilted his head up to look at him, removing his hand from the back of his neck to avoid any risk of hitting Magnus with his elbow.

 

“There’s no need to be embarrassed love,” Magnus said, moving his hand to gentle cradle Alec’s face. He sighed softly and tilted into the contact. “It was a perfectly valid question.”

 

Alec made a noncommittal noise and Magnus let it slide as a response. He settled back into Alec’s side and they stayed there for a while, Magnus’ legs carefully twining with Alec’s. It was quiet and warm and comfortable and it didn’t take long for Alec to start drifting off. His eyes were fluttering, making a valiant attempt to stay open but not quite able to manage it. He thought he dozed off a few times before he felt Magnus nudge him gently.

 

“Let’s go to bed, or we’ll fall asleep here and wake up very unhappy,” Magnus croaked. Clearly he was just as tired as Alec, so Alec followed him off the couch and into the bedroom.

 

Alec had been in Magnus’ bedroom before, though it had exclusively been while passing through to get to the bathroom. He paused in the doorway to take it in for a moment, soaking in the dark colors and cozy feel of the space. Magnus had made a beeline for his closet but paused at the door when he realized Alec wasn’t with him, smiling when Alec finally looked over at him. He beckoned Alec into the closet and went for a small dresser. Alec, meanwhile, let himself gape at all of Magnus’ clothes.

 

Even when Isabelle made him go to the mall Alec didn’t think he saw as many clothes as Magnus had. He definitely didn’t see the same kind of variety: there were elegant silk tunics hung beside cozy cable-knit sweaters, pinstriped suit pants on the same hanger as what looked like leggings. He didn’t want to intrude on Magnus’ space, but he couldn’t resist carefully picking his way over to something that looked sheer. When he reached it, he carefully tilted the hanger out so he could look at the garment. He’d been right, they were sheer, and they looked like pants except there was no way these were long enough for Magnus’ legs.

 

“Tights darling,” Magnus said and Alec nearly dropped the… tights? Magnus laughed softly and came over to offer him a pair of pajamas.

 

“They’re called tights or stockings. They’re stretchy, and quite soft,” Magnus elaborated as Alec accepted the pajamas. Magnus rubbed the material of the tights with two fingers, looking thoughtful.

 

“It’s been a while since I’ve pulled these out, maybe I’ll wear them – Alexander!”

 

Alec looked up from where he’d just pulled his jeans off his ankles. He was standing in just his boxers, the borrowed pajamas resting on a chair and his own clothes on the floor. Magnus’ attention had been on the tights, but he’d turned just as Alec was stripping his jeans off.

 

“What?” he asked, bewildered, as he straightened up. Magnus had stared at him for a moment before his gaze had snapped up to the ceiling.

 

“Alexander, not that I’m complaining, but why are you changing with me still in the room?” Magnus asked, gaze still fixed on the ceiling. Alec stared at him.

 

“You gave me pajamas and we’re getting ready for bed, so I’m changing,” he replied uncertainly. “Was that… wrong?”

 

Magnus immediately looked over to him again. His eyes darted down for a second before snapping up to meet Alec’s. He’d released the tights by now and had crossed his arms over his chest, brow furrowed. It was the same look he got when a potion was being particularly difficult.

 

“Did it not occur to you that taking your clothes off in front of a romantic partner usually has sexual connotations?” Magnus asked. He didn’t sound upset, more curious than anything else, but Alec felt panic seize through his gut anyway. He’d managed to fuck up again by forgetting about sex for the second time that night. He could feel his face heating up, but he couldn’t just ignore Magnus’ question.

 

“Um, no, I guess it didn’t?” he said hesitantly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

 

“There’s nothing to apologize for darling,” Magnus interrupted him. “In fact, I’m rather glad this is happening now, in this context.”

 

“Glad that what’s happening?” Alec replied, confused. Magnus just looked at him for a moment before nodding slightly.

 

“Why don’t you finish getting changed, and I’ll go put my pajamas on, and then we continue this discussion when we’re comfortably sitting on the bed?” Magnus offered.

 

“Okay,” Alec agreed, still not sure what was going on. Magnus smiled warmly at him and went to retrieve his own pajamas from the dresser. He slipped out of the closet after flashing a reassuring smile at Alec.

 

Alec yanked on the pants and shirt as soon as Magnus was gone. They were both a little too short, but fit well enough. He took a deep breath to try and steady himself. His mind was working on overdrive, trying to figure out what Magnus thought was going on. Alec certainly didn’t know; all he’d done was try to put his damn pajamas on.

 

When Alec left the closet to find Magnus (the irony was not lost on him), he saw the bathroom door still closed and the sound of the sink running. Magnus was still getting ready for bed then. He hovered uncertainly at the foot of the bed for a moment before he shook his head. He was being ridiculous. Magnus has said they were going to sit in the bed and talk, which meant that it was definitely okay for Alec to sit on the bed.

 

He crawled up on top of the covers and hesitated on his hands and knees. He didn’t know if it was okay to slide under the covers or if Magnus would prefer to sit on top of the bedspread. Actually, he didn’t even know where to sit on the bed: Magnus would definitely have a preferred side and Alec didn’t know which one that was. He was about to scramble back onto his feet when he heard the flick of a light switch and looked up to see Magnus in the doorway to the bathroom.

 

“Uh, hi,” Alec offered, frozen with the fear that he’d done something wrong. Magnus just smiled at him and came over, tugging down the comforter and top sheet.

 

“We can’t very well sleep on top of the sheets,” he pointed out as Alec helped on the other side. Alec offered him a lopsided grin. It was remarkable how easy it was for Magnus to get him to relax when he was freaking out.

 

Magnus crawled into bed on the same side as the bathroom door, leaving Alec on the side he’d originally crawled into. Alec sat cross-legged towards the middle of the bed while Magnus stacked pillows against the headboard. He settled back against them, wiggling around until he was comfortable.

 

“You’re welcome to stay there, if you’re comfortable, or you can come sit with me,” Magnus said when he was finally settled in.

 

“What are we even talking about?” Alec countered. He loved cuddling, but if this was a serious conversation he wanted to focus. Magnus drummed his fingers on his thigh.

 

“Alec, darling, I need to you answer me honestly when I ask you this. Don’t be embarrassed or upset or anything like that,” Magnus started. He waited for Alec to nod before continuing.

 

“Alexander, what are your feelings about sex?”

 

For a second, Alec just gaped at him. He hadn’t known what to expect, but that definitely wasn’t it. He started to splutter, desperately trying to figure out how to answer that question. Magnus leaned forward and gently tapped his index finger over Alec’s lips, effectively silencing him. Alec stared at him, wide-eyed, and waited for him to speak.

 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have started out that broad,” Magnus said gently. “Let me rephrase: do you have any particular desire to have sex? With me or in general.”

 

To be perfectly honest, that hadn’t really helped Alec. But this question felt manageable, and he began to think it over as Magnus removed his finger and settled back against his pillows.

 

His first instinct was to say yes. He remembered the first time he saw Magnus properly, here in the loft when the Circle members had attacked. He remembered the near-magnetic draw he’d felt towards Magnus and his smile, how badly he’d wanted to be the reason for it. He remembered holding Magnus in his arms after he’d healed Luke and the tug in his gut telling him to kiss him senseless. Just tonight, he’d reveled in the fact that he was allowed to kiss Magnus breathless on the couch and come back here and cuddle with him.

 

But the more Alec thought about it, the more he realized that none of those wants and desires actually included sex. There had never been a point where he’d been thinking ‘wow I really would like to have sex with this guy.’ But people had sex didn’t they? It just seemed to be a part of relationships, a part Alec had never thought to question. And Isabelle had made sure he knew all about how gay sex works and all the various methods for practicing safe sex. He could feel his face heating up at the memory, but it faded as he remembered the faint disgust he’d felt at the thought of doing anything Izzy mentioned. Touching his own dick was something he did infrequently and while the sensation was pleasurable enough, he didn’t really get anything else out of it. He didn’t even really think about anything while he did it, just touched himself and got off with little regard for dragging out his pleasure. The idea of touching someone else’s dick, even Magnus’, wasn’t exactly thrilling in the way he thought it was supposed to be.

 

“Alexander?” Magnus prodded gently, making Alec snap out of his thoughts. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah, yes, I’m okay,” he replied immediately. “I just – I don’t know? How to answer I mean. I don’t know if I want any of that.”

 

Magnus nodded, watching him. Alec squirmed a little, feeling uncomfortably like Magnus was examining him for something. He looked away, unable to hold eye contact any longer, and instead pinned his gaze on his own hands where they were picking at the sheets. After a minute, one of Magnus’ hands wrapped around his wrist, pulling his attention back up to his face. Magnus was smiling now, his expression as gentle as his hold on Alec’s wrist.

 

“I have another question for you, if that’s okay.” He waited for Alec to nod before continuing.

 

“Have you ever heard the term asexual?”

 

Alec felt his face scrunch up as he thought. The word sounded familiar, but he was having trouble placing where he’d heard it before. Suddenly, it clicked, and he shot Magnus a strange look.

 

“Asexual as in amoebas?” he asked, confused once again. Magnus let out a startled little laugh, hand sliding off his wrist to tangle their fingers together.

 

“No, not that meaning of asexual,” he replied. “I mean asexual as in the sexual orientation.”

 

Apparently Alec’s blank stare counted as enough of an answer because Magnus squeezed his hand and didn’t wait for a reply before he continued.

 

“I’m sure you know that there are more sexualities than just gay and straight,” he began. “And one of those is asexuality. It’s a sexual orientation that refers to people who don’t feel any sexual attraction for anyone. And there’s a whole spectrum of asexuality for people who feel sexual attraction in variously limited capacities. Does that make sense?”

 

Alec frowned, gaze sliding down to their linked hands as he tried to process what Magnus was telling him. Trying to wrap his mind around the idea that there were people who didn’t experience sexual attraction was… actually, not as hard as he might have thought. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense that there would be a group of people who just didn’t really care about sex. Suddenly, it clicked why Magnus had brought this up and his head snapped up so fast that Magnus actually leaned forward with a concerned look.

 

“Did you – do you think I might be asexual?” Alec asked, testing the word on his tongue.

 

“It was a thought I had,” Magnus admitted. “Of course, I’m not trying to force an identity on you, and if you don’t agree then that’s that. But your lack of interest in sex coupled with the fact that you didn’t seem to be thinking about it, well, ever, put the idea in my head. I hope I haven’t overstepped?”

 

Alec’s mind was whirling. He’d spent so long accepting he was gay and now he was faced with the realization that he might not be gay after all. He slid his hand out of Magnus’ so he could scrub both hands over his face. The weight of Magnus’ concerned stare was heavy on his face, but he ignored it in favor of trying to talk through his thoughts.

 

“But – is it – can I be gay and asexual?” he heard himself ask. His hands were fisted in the sheets, tension running across his shoulders and down his arms. Magnus smiled at him, sitting up and slowly moving his hands towards Alec’s. Alec let him peel his clenched hands out of the sheets.

 

“Yes, you most definitely can,” Magnus reassured him as he helped Alec uncurl his fingers. “It’s called a romantic orientation. It means that you’re romantically attracted to men only, and sexually attracted to no one. As long as asexual is the label you think is for you.”

 

“Oh,” was all Alec could say. Magnus was giving him an understanding look and squeezing his hands again, probably to remind him that he was there to talk if he needed to talk it out. Alec wasn’t sure there was anything to talk out. He’d called himself asexual for the first time literally minutes before and it already felt just as right as the first time he’d admitted to himself that he liked boys and not girls. The more he thought about it, the more he mentally referred to himself as asexual, the more Alec realized that this was him.

 

“I like it,” he announced suddenly, looking back up to Magnus’ face. Magnus immediately smiled brilliantly and moved even closer to hug him tightly.

 

“And I like you,” he teased, making Alec roll his eyes. When they broke apart, Magnus cupped his face in both hands and pulled him in for a quick, tender kiss.

 

“You make the rules, okay? Whatever boundaries you set, that’s what we do,” Magnus told him. It was probably meant to be reassuring, but it sent a cold spear of dread through Alec’s stomach.

 

“Are you okay with this?” he asked Magnus uncertainly. “Because I don’t know if I’ll ever want, you know, anything more than what we already do and that’s not really fair to you.”

 

Alec was definitely rambling, he knew that, but he couldn’t seem to stop. He didn’t want to leave Magnus, and he definitely didn’t want Magnus to leave him either, but it seemed almost cruel to trap him in a relationship with someone who didn’t want sex. Magnus liked sex. Alec wasn’t completely oblivious and he knew what kind of rumors had been going around the Institute once they’d started dating. He didn’t know what was more irritating: hearing other shadowhunters constantly talk about Magnus like he was diseased for liking sex or hearing them say that he’d only ditched the wedding for him because he wanted to get laid.

 

“Alexander Lightwood,” Magnus said seriously, cutting him off. “I don’t care if you never want to have sex or if you want to have sex every day. It would be my honor and my pleasure to help you find out though. If you’ll have me, of course.”

 

It seemed obvious that the only appropriate response was to tackle Magnus down onto his back and smash their mouths together. Magnus was laughing into it a little, but he got with the program and helped Alec situate himself between kisses. It was feverish for the first few kisses, before Alec started whispering thank-yous into Magnus’ mouth. Magnus nudged him away just long enough to speak.

 

“You have nothing to thank me for you silly shadowhunter,” he said softly, lips quirking up into a small smile. “This is who you are and everyone should be accepted for who they are.”

 

Alec actually whimpered at that, a little overwhelmed, and pressed his face into Magnus’ neck. Magnus rolled him onto their sides, cooling things down significantly, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. They fell asleep like that, legs tangled together and arms loosely wrapped around each other’s torsos, content in the knowledge that whatever discoveries Alec made about himself, they would face them together.


End file.
